I'm never a morning person...
... It's likely that I have some sleep disorder. Crappy sleep quality, sensory issues, nasal breathing issues (chronic rhinitis), etc...
Having to deal with that, which is a daily living issue I may rant some day...
Today I wake up being less lazy or 'down'. Must be elevating estrogen week.
Woke up afternoon. Still spent at least few hours before getting up from the bed...
At least it's not because of my gut and debating my head to eat like some spoiled toddler, or feeling heavy as if I'm sick, or those days when it felt like I did not slept at all.
It's not unusual of me to be awake at noon, go about around dusk times, and sleep around sunrise.
Today I did my laundry. At 7pm.
When I was still going to school, I always feel crap all day. At night, I just struggle to go to bed.
I grew up hating sleep.
Unlike most adults wanting it more, I want to actually not have any.
Because sometimes, waking up from any sleep -- be it a nap or a 24 hour recovery hurts. Inertia that lasts for hours, maybe it never went away for days even.
And I'm not talking about weird uncomfortable sleeping positions and waking up random symptoms due to the room's humidity, temperature and the hormones.
There's something off with my nerves. And I cannot tell how or why. It just comes and goes.
And no check ups for me. Too expensive. And it's a gamble; don't want any stupid appointment turn into some 'its-in-your-head' talk.
So I'll just take the matters into my own hands since other people were presumptuous ("you got a lot in mind", "just relax"), doctors are also presumptuous ("drink more water", "less stress", "no screen time") and none could help me.
At any rate, I have no issues relaxing or emptying my head. I just don't know what I have.
"Have a regular consistent sleep schedule"
Yeah, I tried that for years.
It's even more painful.
My most ideal so far is to count my sleep length by 90 minutes (an hour and half) instead of by 60 minutes (an hour), segmented and in odd hours.
As a child I always wanted to have a night class. But alas, that did not happen. I was born too soon. No amount of regular schedules stick with me -- which is frustrating. I may elaborate in another time.
Right now, as an adult, I would like a job that starts at noon or night shifts. But alas... Something is wrong.
Was it because I'm neurodivergent? Oh, sure. That's partially the reason.
The rest feels too physical. If I did not know any better, I thought I'm depressed or anxious. But I highly doubt it.
I don't want something so dumb and stupid like mistaking my chronic breathing issues and whatever caused my low blood pressure with all the issues it causes -- for something psychological.
So at day, after waking up, I get varying symptoms to a point that I may stay in bed for hours before getting up, that going to the bathroom or eating is not enough to me to get up. Or not at all, all day long.
And thus...
I end up hating this body.
But that's another story for another day.
Only that -- I prefer odd hours ever since I was a child.
Not because it's quieter; karaoke and live bands still plays around here and even at odd hours.
Not because it's dimmer; I actually like the sun.
Never because it's colder. I cannot tolerate cold well. I actually like warmth. And night time humidity is one of my rhinitis/sinusitis triggers.
Maybe because way less people will bother me. No one to poke me. No one to talk to me. No one to remind me of whatever and no one around hovering behind me.
Yeah, that's mostly it.
Sometimes when I'm so bored, I go out at odd hours around 3am outside the house.
Maybe walk around the street, stare at the skies, hopefully it was a clear or not raining at all...
I hadn't had stargazing for quite some time.
And sometimes, if I were a little daring, I put on neon clothes and go out to places with my bike, then buy or eat something out...
But nah, today, I'm just doing some personal chores.
Browsing the internet all night long. Maybe play games. It's one of those days that I feel less down and heavy after all.
I don't want that feeling to end. Wish this is at least my baseline, and no more inconsistencies.
Speaking of inconsistencies.
Sometimes my sleep pattern shifts and accumulates. Sometimes it became non-24 hour cycle.
And I have no real eating schedules. No real routines. No shut down protocols. This body is not predictable.
At best only, I get to do those once a week thing or three, but never a daily on-time everyday thing.
Nothing just sticks with me. I may elaborate on that someday, but this post is about odd hours.
Wish there is such thing as a night owl society.
But that won't be so cost effective, so they say.
Maybe, hope science will find infinite source energy? That would be great if that ever happens.
During these odd hours, it feels like a good free time.
Free from reminders and other people bothering me.
Worst it can ruin my day is either some accident or some unwanted guest at home like pests meddling at my stuff and 'sharing' my space without my say so.