Summer is here from where I'm...
Yes, your typical go play in the water under the hot weather
But if I really want to enjoy it, I need more than that. Yes, I'm living in a fussy body.
I should be; not sleep deprived, not having my period, not angry, not bloated because I ate too much, not sick in any way, being able to breathe well, etc. Etc.
Else all my thoughts and feelings goes through dealing with whatever I'm feeling inside instead of enjoying what's in front of me.
That's usually how it is with me. That is... Until I figured a way to tone the internal stuff down. Well, most of it anyways.
It's easy to tone down external noise; you can hide from it. You can avoid it. You can just cover it all up like a cork to a bottle. Easy.
But the internal noise? Takes professionals. It goes towards the realms of the medical field; physical, mental health and emotional support.
So I had to deal with daily discomforts -- too prone to even 'normal everyday things' are not comfortable to me; not just my environment. Having to deal with that since childhood, but that's another story for another day.
For now; this is about me going out.
I'm dealing with some form of chronic idiopathic nonallergic rhinitis. Turns out one of my triggers is not simply irritants, but also my hormonal levels, how much water I drank, if I ate certain stuff... Etc. Ruins my whole day, even if I'm inside at home doing nothing.
Annoying.
Even more annoying as someone who is born with a female body. Which is a long story; but to make a long story short; it was an even bigger problem...
Thank goodness for birth control pills. I had the luck that the cheapest type basically solved my lifelong problem. Another post for another day.
So I had to go through all that -- just to enjoy going out.
Sometimes I can ignore that it exists and happened to carried away.
Too bad yesterday I was sleep deprived. But at least it was not as bad as the other days I went out... At least a nap fixed my, ehh, 'off-ness'.
Most of my trips are through RnRs. I hadn't had a lot of it even back when I go to school tours.
I hope someday I can just leave the city by myself, find a spot I can just go... Sometimes I do that; at the malls, at random seats by the market -- usually with my pen and mini-calendar notebook.
How I wish I can only just carry a wallet, phone, keys... Maybe exclude the phone, not much in the wallet, and a single key back at home.
Nope; I need some meds, a hankie incase I get those sneeze fests, some small notebooks in case I was not fast enough to write something down or had to write down and give it to someone... Or suddenly have an urge to draw.
Always have the fancyism of the possibility that I wanna write a story, write an info, draw or sketch out; "just in case" or all the sudden -- of course, of course, like any fancyisms, it won't happen and thus having a pointless habit of carrying certain items 'just in case'. But as to why or what I bring is another story...
Usually, writing and thinking about some plan or list is conducive when I'm out at night over a cool breeze out...
But alas; I also had to learn how to feel safe and assured. This also means, privacy and being out in the open with something I won't mind getting lost or stolen.
Though, I know how to be reckless and daring. Even to a point of walking at midnight from work; which I did back when I was still working a lot of times to a point of worrying other people... Another story.
I don't actually like carrying things when going out. Having to mind items constantly so it won't get lost or stolen. Or, having to mind how I walk if I'm carrying something heavy; minding that I may broke it, drop it, etc.
It's distracting. At least it's not as distracting minding that I'm with other people; though it's relevant to the topic that there's a good reason why I prefer to be alone.
Overall, I like going out. I can just walk for hours end.
But for me to enjoy it; it takes painstaking self care and luck.
And I suck at planning because I never trust myself to follow it through, never had a chance to practice and 'believe' it works. Someday it will change but that's another topic.
Not that I'm undermining any effort of any disabled folks who needs an even more immense amount of self-care just to do the basics and without the luxury of comfort or ease; but this isn't about them.
So I had another habit on top of going out; why go out without enjoying it?
I had a habit of walking for hours. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm in great shape; body is still not as efficient. Another story. Relevant; I can walk, rain or shine -- though age makes it a bit harder now.
I had a random habit of going out to buy stuff at the markets or groceries. Yet usually not in bulk or at least won't last a week.
Sure, I like the idea of stocking for an entire year of supplies -- but where I'm now is not suitable for something like that. Fancying, but at least I know deep down it's not feasible year,
So; does this mean I enjoy festivities whenever I'm out? Not necessarily. It's just another ritual. Doesn't matter how colorful or what the histories are.
But; free food is free food. Certain novel activities and uncommon merchandises may be interesting. Usually that's what I look forward to.
If not that; then the bare minimum of claiming that 'I was there'.