This is why I DIY out of it myself
But yeah, said doctor, who, is checking my lungs asked if I'm taking medications for whatever this is.
And if I don't, it'll be taken away.
Forcing me to reveal my personal diagnosis at teenage years.
Why no label? Because, I cannot relate. I can claim to be autistic and all that; qualified as I'm, but are my stories to do with special interests, overwhelm towards the outside world, unresolved traumas from abuse and bullying, and all forma loneliness with wishing of feeling more human?
Nope.
Unlike how I cannot relate with ADHD as an ND, I cannot relate to autism as a human no matter how much I'd rather be alexithymic, with so called no empathy. 🙄
The only sensory related stories one will ever get from me is neglected or untreated biological factors that everyone denies for what it is, and blames my neurodivergence for it.
So said doctor asked how am I feeling;
"I'm feeling constantly irritated." But I knew why; because of chronic sneezing but no one listens to it.
And tries to offer me an psychotic for it. Despite after telling that I have an unmanageable chronic rhintis for practically 25 years of my life.
So said doctor, finally just drop it and prescribed me an anti-asthma inhaler to treat my pneumonia. A month or so worth before como back to it.
The inhaler isn't exactly cheap even with a discount.
But I took it as it was prescribed and...
... Well...
For the first time in practically my whole life; no sneezing fits for days straight.
Not even taking antihistamines, not even with numerous variations of nasal sprays, not even everything in short of surgery... Ever happened in basically all I knew.
For a while, it really took me to process that this is reality. That it's happening. That, I no longer am forced to mind breathing, no more indignities of fricking endless mucus. No more loud sneezes and sniffles.
No more irritation that I've been feeling for most of my life.
Why need an antipsychotic for something solvable as this??
An entire month worth. So I had a major contrasting of daily living...
Like; I learned that, yes, stress is my one factor for it. So is hormones. It's not merely just dusts or seasons -- or hell, maybe not even histamine itself.
That, one time I forgotten to take said medications because I'm getting late for work? Everyone saw the contrast of me, constantly getting interrupted repeatedly throughout the day and getting exhausted.
That day, I learned, that sneezing for even few hours straight is supposedly exhausting.
I did not know that. I already told too many people complaining them having sinusitis for week long, and mine doesn't seem to ever go away. But did they heard me? No. 🙄 Apparently they cannot comprehend something like this.
So, at one time, had a workplace outting that lasts overnight...
... I wanna try helmet diving.
And when I gotten there... My left side of my head hurt. Like something had stabbed me bloody.
I backed out, frustrated and literally hurt.
Told my boss about it.S he assumes it's panic and anxiety.
It's fricking pain, damnit. And the same fricking pain and frustration I had always had to wake up to for the last 25 years.
While planning to take decongestants and painkillers the next time I try helmet diving...
... It makes me think back.
What really caused my burnouts? Am I, this whole time, actually experiencing some form of chronic pain as well?
Everyone label it; me being moody, me having developmental delays, me getting bullied, me just not being fit.
And ignore the sneezing and all my complaints for this entire time. To them, it's just sneezing. It's just "this seasonal thing". That -- just take some meds for it and bear with it.
How come I do as others who supposedly have said chronic condition; take their antihistamines, take their nasal sprays, do their nightly rituals, make their room dust free, avoid whatever...
They mostly manage well and I don't?? I don't see anyone else in public having to carry towels to sneeze, or practically ever.
My main source of insecurity is ignored. Neglected. Because it's overshadowed by their assumptions.
If they do, all they give me are platitudes and unneeded assumption that all I need was assurance.
I want solutions -- they thought it was unrealistic.
And wondered why I cannot trust people. Why I don't listen to them at all.
For the last 2 years since taking BCPs; how many times I've been right?
I'm turning 30 soon, and I'm getting my reassessment. I don't care if I ever retain the same labels anymore.
All I have left is mostly habits no thanks to coping with crap, and hormonal disruptors that can undo many things. And just dealing with how this body works.
I know my needs as a neurodivergent; but most of my life was spent coping with neglected stupid sensitive bodily crap; most of which are recently and accidentally solved by accident or a coincidence.
And people do not listen. Hell, and they even accused me of looking for illness.
Turns out it is and it not born from anxiety, it's born from outright frustration from the disruptions from within.
People never had ever actually directly helped me as I intended. That all I rely is luck.
I don't care if I ever just take said medications my whole life. I never had anything reliable to consume, like most people, until now.
And unlike most people; I do not cope and move on. Either I'm stuck coping or no longer cope and move on.
People have assumptions. I do not fit those assumptions. And I was right.